[Written by Layak Singh]
“To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.”~Anna Louise Strong
It is very critical question to answer that why someone should fall in love with someone. There is a chemistry behind it that why we fall in love with certain people and with other. Some time it happens that that we love may not be the right choice. It also depends on the luck to find a person whom you may love. I would suggest that fall in love is a natural way and does not depends on the external factors but also depend on the voice of heart. It is easy to find a partner but it is more difficult to keep the strong relationship forever.
The question is always in the mind of the people that why she/he doesn’t love me and will I be able to make him/her to love me. The problem is not at the only one side but happens to both side because none of them is sure about the final result that will occur, it may be in support or in negative. If someone is able to know why I am in love with someone, will help in easy feelings of rejection or may be of heartbreak. No one knows when he/she will be in love with someone at what stage and what will be the future. It’s a kind of mystery in the love. It is very hard to decide whether he/she should live to him/her or not. There are some most important factors which determine with whom we fall in love and why. There are variety of neurochemical processes and the external stimuli which influence the situation to fall in love with someone.
Why fall in love and with whom?
Attraction: It influences the person very much because it makes attention towards the person. It may be one side, does not matter but love happen and the person fall in love to the other person. Sometime the front person doesn’t know that someone loves him/her. It is very dangerous situation because of the controversy of each other.
Attitude and Behaviour: This is considered as the foremost factor as it allows the persons to love each other easily. People know that they are very much influenced with attitude and behaviour and make them love. No one knows when love will be in between of them. People generally lost in the goodness of their behavior.
Smell: Some of the people fall in love partly because of their smell to each other. It is kind of cultural preference which enables the possibilities of the romantic relationships. Cultural attractiveness is one of the causes to be fall in love.
Love pheromones: No one knows what’s going in their mind, or heart about the other person, and when they start loving to each other. Pheromones are very invisible, unexpected, unlearned and unsmellable love signals which when enter to the brains no one can think. The heart and brain sensors use touch, smell and hearing
The brain: We fall in love with some person partly because of the brain hormones. Oxytocin and vasopressin are present in case the two people fall in love and maintain long relationship together for a long time. When the question comes to your mind that why someone whom you love does not love you, then use your brain hormones to think about it.
Sometime in case of women they always love to the person who earns lot of money an able to spend on them easily. Also the physical symmetry in both men and women leads to the possibility to fall in love. If you think finding the true love is all about fate, you may want to think twice! The other side of the fall in love is the maintaining the relationship and lots of principal factors are there by which the relationship can be make strong for long time. All of us know about the danger of growing apart, where two people who were inseparable moved in to the situation of losing the affinity. Now they don’t want to see to each other closely, don’t want to make eye to eye, this happens because of the not maintaining the good relationship with each other. The only primary factor for this may be growing together instead of growing apart.
How to make Strong relationship?
We need to focus on some factors combining to make relationship strong for ever. We must be:
Loving and invested:
Invested means to care and caring / loving which will certainly make the relationship strong. All love relationship depends on what you care and love to the person, there must be great deal in caring and loving from starting and it should be continue for forever. All caring should be done to the personal intents, purposes, opposites, and this will result in the good relationship as said love is the opposite of self-interest and because self-interest in caring. So the life should be caring, continue caring, loving and continue loving.
Towards and Sensitive
What you care to the person relates to the disposition of the torwardness. There must be energetically towards the feeling of the person whom you love or care. If the both person are energetically feed, the health and strong relationship will be there. The partners who have successful relationship always nurture to each other. Also if there is no sensitivity then torwardness is like divisive. Strong and healthy relationship always depends on the ability of the sensitiveness to each other. Sensitivity makes them to think what they are in need from each other, and motivates to them for good relationship.
Open Feedback and appreciation
For having a strong and good relationship, it should be alive not static. Relationship is not like an object but it is a process of growth. If the relationship is not growing it means it s being killed. There should be appraisal to each other, feedback to each other what they do or what they should not do, what is good or what is bad. The appreciation and feedback should not be like professionals but it should be caring, loving and from heart to each other.
Help in problem and aware of the things
It is a life where no one is perfect; there may be some bad or good things inside the people. So, it should be understand that there is need to help each other to know problem and resolve together. This increases the closeness to each other. Love need to aware of all flaws that we have. This will smoothly, increase the love to each other and will maintain the long and strong relationship.
Support to other and self- supportive
People’s thought that there should be someone to support them in what they do, may not be always correct. But instead of that the thinking should be such that the person should be able to support himself, it is very essential for maintaining the strong and healthy relationship. Think to the situation where you are not able to help yourself, how can you help to your partner in need.
Thus, it can be said that fall in love is different with the maintaining he relationship. If you find a good partner still if you are unable to maintain the relationship, your relationship will be biter than you expect. For good relationship it is not necessary to fulfil the wish of your partner but also it is needed to care, love, and support to each other at ant difficulty and should enjoy the moment. Therefore, it can be concluded as the maintaining the partner is more difficult than the finding the partner.
Fall in love and maintaining the good relationship somehow is a part of a life string where at each not there are difficulties and happiness. The partners need to think to each other to maintain the relationship for a long term. To fall in love with someone, it is not necessary to forcefully run towards that but it’s a natural process which attracts the person towards you and you towards to the person. There is nothing more important in life than the successful love relationship; it may be we live our live entirely on chance but still there is only one life to live. From the study of neural correlates of the mental situation of the brain, it can be concluded towards the love and relationship that it’s a very complex emotion like love to the humans, it is often depend on the biological characteristics of the human and their natural behavior. There are lot of important factors which dictate the situation of attractiveness and whom to fall in love.
In a movie When Harry Met Sally, sally was weeping and saying that “but why doesn’t he love me?”. Her hear was broken because her good boyfriend married to someone else instead of her. It was like a shock for her. Not only sally is facing that kind of situation but there are many in the world. The romantic love story is a mystery for everyone. So here the problem is also same, sally found good partner but could not maintain the relationship strongly.
Francesco Alberoni, theory explains that as like the political or religious conversion process, falling in love and maintaining the relationship is also a that kind of natural process. When some people go for a life change or start their life new, they fall in love. Falling in love is kind of a nascent state. Where new live is created by combining of the old energy in to new.
At the end, we can say-
“There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.”
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox